DCypher posts: There were so many amazing things that I saw, heard, experienced, and lived through this past weekend while attending AEE in Vegas and Internext that it will prolly take months for all of it to spill out. Have no fear I will (most likely) get to it even if it takes the rest of the year. First let me unpack, check the email, delete spam, and kick this Vegas throat.

 While most people are obsessing over Jenna’s unscripted diatribe during the 25^th Annual AVN Awards show other interesting occurrences are getting completely overlooked in the wake of the “I’ll never spread my legs again for this industry” scandal, or, as I like to call it, SpreaderGate 2008.
It has a nice ring to it, no?

One such incidence involved a prerecorded interview with Jesse Jane. Miss Jane (since you’re nasty) was up for Female Performer of the Year but lost it to the literarily inclined milk enthusiast Sasha Grey. In her clip Digital Playground superstar Jesse Jane, in her trademarked style of effervescent girly giggle, attempts to persuade Showtime viewers that her most people don’t believe her when she tells them that she is a porn star. Wait. There is more. She goes on to say that she has to go to great lengths to prove she is in fact a professional porn star and not say, like, an investment banker. She does not specify, mostly due to time constraints, what techniques she employs to convince them.

While I heart Jesse Jane big time I’m just not buying this girl next door routine no matter how sincerely she sells it. Here comes the math.

First of all PIRATES is hands down the best selling porn movie of all time at this point and the second adult title to ever have an R rated version released for rental through Blockbuster. Her other titles don’t do so bad either.

Second, and only less noteworthy, her performance on the hit show ENTOURAGE from well over a season ago is still being talked about. It’s only second to Billy Wash calling everyone a suit or that time that Chuck Liddell almost cleaned Drama’s clock.

Third, Adella, Digital Playground’s publicist, not to mention the heart and soul of the company, is the most extraordinary publicist this industry has ever seen. Period. She’s got her girls on MSNBC, E!, and everywhere in between.

When all else fails there’s the “just look at her,” argument to fall back on. Jesse is hot, smoking hot, with a stunning, surgically enhanced figure and plenty of natural beauty to layer upgrades on. About the only way her neighbors or anyone else could NOT believe she was one of the top female performers in the adult entertainment industry is if they were Amish.

Ultimately the “aww shucks” modesty routine she utilized was undoubtedly genuine. If anything it just goes to show Jesse prolly still doesn’t realize just how big her name has grown in the last couple years. Don’t worry Jesse…we still love you and can’t wait to hear more about PIRATES 2.

http://jessejane.com

http://digitalplayground.com

DCypher posts: It’s that time of year again…awards show time. The 25^th Annual AVN Awards looms larger than life at the end of the week, promising once again to break hearts across Porn Valley, and right on it’s heels yips the 2008 XBIZ Awards. Yip! Yip!

I’ve been lucky enough to be nominated for BEST DIRECTOR for both shows but don’t have a prayer of winning. Trust me when I tell you that it’s the year of the Super Ego. With movies like Fashionistas Safado Berlin from Evil Angel, which was shot in 3 different countries, Black Worm from Pulpo, quite possibly one of the best adult features ever made, Layout from Vivid genius Paul Thomas, an amazing effort, Coming Home and Operation Desert Stormy from Wicked Pictures, both with heavy duty price tags, Janine Loves Jenna from Club Jenna, the most expensive thing they’ve ever shot, Eden from Adam and Eve, the most expensive thing they’ve shot since Pirates, Upload from Eli Cross and Sex Z, the most expensive thing EVER shot…(the list goes on and on)…there is no way I stand a cumfart’s chance on a Chi Chi LaRue set chance of winning anything.

It’s just nice to be nominated…lol…and I really do mean that. Still I got to thinking that it’s interesting I haven’t slept with shot (m)any of the Best New Starlet’s for this year.

AVN’s (extensive) list is: Alexis Love, Alexis Texas, Ashlynn Brooke, Audrey Bitoni, Bree Olson, Casey Parker, Lela Star, Lorena Sanchez, Maya Hills, Natasha Nice, Paulina James, Renae Cruz, Shay Jordan, Tera Wray, and Veronique Vega.

XBIZ’s (almost as extensive) list features Ashlynn Brooke, Audrey Bitoni, Bree Olson, Casey Parker, Jenny Hendrix, Lela Star, Paulina James, Shay Jordan, Tera Wray, and Tessa West.

So I decided to make my own list of who I think is hot for the moment. Feel free to chime in and let me know who I missed or where I am wrong. Rather than focus on the work that they’ve done or whether or not they’ve really earned it by showing up on time to set with their hair and nails done, I’ve based my list on the most noble of criteria; fuckability. Yes dear reader as shocking as it seems I would fuck any of these young women on a moment’s notice, theoretically speaking.

DCypher’s Most Fuckable New Performers of 2008 includes (but is not limited to) Jenny Hendrix, Veronique Vega, Ashlynn Brooke, Lela Star, Tera Wray, Paulina James, Alexis Love, and Lexi Belle.

http://avnawards.com

http://www.xbizawards.com/

According to reports online, from India Times when you would think it would have come from Defamer, the pair have been repetitively clashing on the set of the romantic comedy FOUR CHRISTMASES and now Reese is refusing to roll around naked with Vince.

Some douche drug up a source and got them to give this horrific quote.

“Reese has an issue with the scripted love scene. It is meant to be a funny, American Pie-style romp, full of bumps and laughs, but Reese is such a prude, she thinks it’s just too much.”

Despite being an Oscar-winner (let’s all just take a breather to contemplate that horror) and a more highly-paid Hollywood star, Reese is unlikely to win the argument. Why? Oh yeah. That’s right. Because Vince is one of the film’s producers. Put that in your pipe and smoke it! And another thing…Legally Blonde was so totally a porn movie! Duh!

Vaughn also oversaw much of the script writing, about a couple whose divorced parents do not get on, so they decide to celebrate Christmas separately with each of them.

Just get over it Reese. You’re going to roll around with the big guy, and play hide the snausage, and you’re gonna like it…cuz he’s money baby. He’s money!

DCypher posts: Some people disappear on you. Who knows why it happens. It drives me nuts though. One minute you're in regular communication with them and everything is hunky dory and the next they just fall out of your life...vanishing without a trace.

Usually this happens when someone owes you a grip of money or doesn't feel like honoring an agreement. In the case of my former reviewer, CUNTINGTON MCGEE, it was much darker and more mysterious.

Perhaps he was recalled by the Blackwater Corporation to wrap up some loose ends in Iraq. Perhaps he went underground after the mob killed his family to learn martial arts and have secret government implants added to his body so he could exact revenge on those who destroyed all he cared for in this world. Truth is we will probably never know, but it's all the same. I'm glad as fuck he's back. I can tell you that.

*** *** ***

Teen Fuck Holes 7
from Platinum X

Scene 1: Veronique Vega's genetic makeup couldn't be more fortunate for us chronic masturbators—she's got all the curves and youthful good looks of a Victoria's Secret Model with a shnozz just big enough to garner the grade-school ridicule to send her into a career in porn. Her rookie's enthusiasm originally led me to believe that this was her porn debut, so you can imagine my surprise upon viewing the topographical map of the Alps she's got hidden under those panties. I'm not sure if this is true for all girls from whatever country Veronique hails from, but the area surrounding her butthole looks like some kind of mesmerizing grey whale cornea. That may be the most romantic sentence I've ever constructed about anyone.

Barbie Cummings sports that "blue-eyed, blonde Southern cheerleader" look, the only difference being the paleness of the two simultaneous cocks in her vagina. At one point, one of her costars fucks her doggie-style with one foot pinning the back of her head to the couch--perhaps a bit more prudent when fucking a rabid wolverine than a middle-school dropout with fake tits. At the end of the scene, when Barbie turns to the camera with a mouthful of future Einsteins and asks, "Are you gonna go jack off to that?", it really made me appreciate the fact that were it just a second earlier in geologic time, I'd still be beating off to cave-paintings of stickwomen with goat-heads.

The fact that Leah Luv has braces made it that much harder for me to acquire this film, as Woody Allen had already bought every remaining copy. Leah is the only star to be anally invaded in this feature; I guess it was part of the "every other girl in this movie is hotter than you" clause in her contract. The scene begins with a stand-up doggie followed by Slinkie-style, which is a term I just coined to describe sex on a stairway. Also included is a brief fucking of Leah's asscrack itself, which would be the popular pastime following abstinence education classes were it not for the existence of the anus. The scene wraps up with Leah slurping her partner's eel-vomit off a glass table zamboni-style—and they say nobody's excited about the start of hockey season!

Divine's star performance in Scene 4 made me lament the fact that there aren't more young black girls like her in porn; it's a shame they all have their hands full raising their kids. Divine, who has the honor of being voted by the Republican National Committee as the nation's finest 3/5 of a piece of ass, does a fine job of masking her shock while a sexual partner actually performs cunnilingus on her. This cinematic tribute to the career of Strom Thurmond concludes with a creampie…or should I say COOKIES n' cream pie? (Jesus—I could be a monologue writer for Bill Maher with zingers like that) .

I cannot say enough good things about the work of Paulina James—she may very well be solely responsible for the "smoker's teeth" hue of the wifebeater under my bed. My favorite position for Paulina would have to be reverse cowgirl, as it gives her a chance to display her mighty clitoris; make no mistake--when it comes to clitoral matters, I won't accept anything less than the "Facehugger from Alien" look. The traditional money-shot on the stomach at this scene's finish is a throwback to the classic 1970s style of porn, minus the Snuffleupagus-sized yodelpatch on the girl's privates, of course.

Well, as always, I hope you enjoyed witnessing my ongoing journey through the double-digit circles of Hell. Now if you'll excuse me, these first grade spelling tests don't grade themselves!

DCypher posts: Born in Santa Cruz back in 1981, she’s a California dream, no doubt. She's also a Scorpio so watch out for that overactive sexual drive and the sting that comes from arguing with her.

You can fall to your knees and thank your maker for her later.

For now take a good look at that bella facia, framed by luscious blond curls, those amazing breasts, and that perfectly pink wet pussy.

Savage might just be the right word after all…lol.

Danni Dot Com has really been stepping up their game lately. Don’t get me wrong. They’ve always done the damn thing, but as of late they just seem to be killing the competition with amazing sets like this one.

I can do this all day long...

 Click Here For Full Gallery

If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only have two women in the whole wide world to keep you company, they would make an excellent choice.

They are the perfect distraction to pass a rainy Southern Cali afternoon.

Do I have to say more?

You are very lucky, very lucky indeed, because you’re going to get to see the whole set from Danni Dot com for free just by clicking that little link below.

 You’re very welcome. I wish only the best for you. Namaste.

Click Here For Full Gallery 

Some of you know exactly what I am talking about.

Some of you can feel it.

Deep down in places you don’t like to talk about in parties you know that the crystal will heal itself.

There is nothing to do.

The master does without doing and nothing is left undone.

In the meantime this sexy, young redhead will help you get through it all by any and all means at her disposal.

There is no need to worry.

Everything is well under control.

Enjoy your weekend.

Click Here For Full Gallery

Just don't ever do this...ever.

This week he gets to add one more title to his business card: FEATURE EDITOR.

So far he’s only edited one adult feature, which would usually mean jack and wouldn’t warrant the redesign and late night trips to Kinko’s, but it just so happens that on his first attempt he knocked the ball out of the park.

It just so happens that his first edit was NOWHERE ANGELS. We were on set and he demanded to edit the show promising it would get nominated if he did. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was serious. Funny thing is, he got nominated for Best Actor and Best Editing.

That’s what I call keeping your word. Thanks man and congrats! You deserve it brother.

KK and I got to talking about her latest release from Vivid Alt, the long anticipated Triple Ecstasy. It stars girls like Pixie Pearl (be still my throbbing cock) along with Audrey and Otto, and some super hot little Asian girl getting butch dyked in a school girl outfit first in a hallway and then next to a toilet.

It’s the overall mood, all the extra attention to detail, the construction and editing that went into this movie that set it apart. Sure anyone can play with color correction in editing these days and get that “alt feeling” that board lurkers used to trash talk. From what I hear “the biggest most expensive movie of all time” has a lot of the same shit people trashed Eon McKai for doing two years ago, editing wise that is.

Triple X plays with your mood by introducing a frenetic style of custom, “art school” kool handcuffed to a custom, punky fresh soundtrack in a knife fight to the bleed. It’s refreshingly originality serves to elevate it’s fundamental eroticism into pornographic art supercharged by Kane’s raw sexual energy. Watching KK suck cock with that fixed, hungry, somewhat psychotic stare is a near religious experience. I am not even remotely kidding. She’s one of my favorite new directors. After Naked and Famous if you’re not watching her, you’re missing out, plain and simple.

If you had any trouble understanding anything I said in the previous paragraph you should just stick to flat lit gonzo titles with cute girls (being wasted) taking the boring predictable sex in the standard four positions. You know, stuff like Barely Legal from Hustler (which I almost fell asleep watching recently.)

Botttom line time: Kimberly Kane’s Triple Ecstasy is an AMAZING movie. I highly recommend that you watch it…immediately. If you do not then you are a fucking loser.

That’s all.

Once upon a time this suspiciously hyper active pint sized powerhouse of pussy passion had the nearly every male performer in the business begging for an hour or two worth of deep pounding in her sweet, tight, young, oh-so-wet box. Then, like so many who came before her, POOF, she vanished overnight.

If you live near Valencia California, and you have $300, and know what the term “hobbyist” means, you probably already know the answer to this one.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/ers/494012112.html

You’d be surprised who all comes up if you type the word porn star into the search section of Craig’s List Los Angeles.

Use it or fucking lose it bro. House rules.

*** *** ***

Losing Virginity Later Linked to Sexual Problems
Those Who Have Sex Later, Particularly Men, Seem to Experience More Sexual Dysfunction

By DAN CHILDS for the ABC News Medical Unit

While past research has linked early sexual activity to health problems, a new study suggests that waiting too long to start having sex carries risks of its own.

Those who lose their virginity at a later age -- around 21 to 23 years of age -- tend to be more likely to experience sexual dysfunction problems later, say researchers at Columbia University and the New York State Psychiatric Institute's HIV Center for Clinical and Behavioral Studies.
The study will appear in the January 2008 issue of the American Journal of Public Health.

Men who lose their virginity in their 20s, in particular, seemed to be more likely to experience sexual problems that include difficulty becoming sexually aroused and reaching orgasm.

The increase in sexual problems was also seen in those who had a comparably earlier sexual debut. And the researchers were quick to point out that there isn't enough evidence to say for sure whether waiting to have sex necessarily leads to sexual dysfunction down the road.

"Our results do not allow for causal interpretations," the study authors write.

Rather, they note in the study, there may be factors common to both the delay of sexual activity and the onset of sexual dysfunction -- for example, they write, "[M]en with sexual problems may avoid sexual interactions and consequently start later."

The researchers, who looked at data from the 1996 National Sexual Health Survey, conducted by the Center for AIDS Prevention Studies (CAPS) at the University of California, San Francisco, also found that men and women who begin having sex in their early teens had their share of problems. They were more likely to have risky sexual partners, to contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and to have sex while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

While sexuality experts not affiliated with the study agree that it is too early to draw a direct causal link about those who have sex later in life, they say the research offers some interesting new avenues for learning more about certain sexual problems that may be devastating to long-term relationships.

"Clinically, we see many individuals who marry late and who have had little or no sexual experience have great difficulty with developing a rich and satisfying sexual experience within their relationship," said Eli Coleman, academic chair in sexual health at the University of Minnesota Medical School Program in Human Sexuality.

For the rest hit the link below...

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/story?id=3932047&page=1

On the guest list for the event were alt darling Joanna Angel, media darling Ron Jeremy, and octogenarian Jamie Gillis, along with Luc Wylder of Fallen Angel glory and his delicious tasting wife Alexandria Silk. Mmmmmm. Silkyyyyyyy.

"As a society we are so repressed, but we still have a fascination and titillation with who these people are," Grecco said of the adult film industry talent he photographed for the book. "I approached the project as both a serious portraitist and as a documentarian, that's why along with the people I included a series of still life work of the accouterments of their world. It's a fascinating view."

The book features over a hundred porn stars like Jenna Jameson, Ron Jeremy, Tera Patrick, Ava Rose, and Janine and SHOULD NOT be confused with the book NAKED AMBITION written by former porn PR whore Carly Milne. That would be tragic. It also features my friend Halcyon Pink from HUGNATION with his ex Tassy.

It is selling well I hear, despite his original fears that it was all porny and no one would buy it, because, you know, it’s got nakey people in it. He’s an artist though, and not a dirty pornographer like me, so don’t get it twisted. Personally I didn’t see what the hype was all about. I got the book, flipped through it once, and gave it to a homeless guy to wallpaper his new cardboard house.

I’m such a humanitarian. I know.

BTW- You gotta admire how Ronnie just keeps catching the spotlight no matter where they shine it. Go HH.

What? You mean people actually buy porn? Real people? Ummm, duh? Maybe that’s why it’s a billion dollar business.

Real news would be what his favorite porn movies are, who he beats off to, who he imagines fucking, what kind of fetish porn he’s into, and last but not least, what’s his fantasy porn handle?

Every guy has one. Brock Landers or Gerry Drillwell or Phil Herrup or Dicky Burns or Ramses Ballsdeepian. I’m just saying.

Then again, everything he’s not made him everything he is…just ask Common if you don’t believe me.

*** *** ***

On the Web-

Rapper pondered porn Career

Kanye West could have been keeping company with the likes of Ron Jeremy, if he had ever acted on his porn star career idea.

"That career choice popped into my head once or twice," West was quoted by the U.K.'s Sun as saying.

"What guy doesn't want that? Just sometimes in their life. This is my mentality before I was engaged."

Popping the question to Alexis Phifer may also have made him monogamous. "When you first get money, you go to the Gucci store, you buy two of this, three of that," he said.

"Now that I've finally matured, and I'm in a place where I can actually be faithful, I can see an attractive girl and look and say: 'Wow she looks nice,' and just let it be that."

*** *** ***

Bike Sex Lover Defended

By Jonty Skrufff

Scottish bike lover Robert Stewart could have avoided being placed on the sex offenders’ register for pleasuring his bicycle in an Ayr hotel, human rights lawyers suggested this week, if he’d refused to plead guilty and challenged his arrest on privacy grounds.

Cleaners at the hostel reportedly forced their way into Mr. Stewart’s room and found him naked from the waist down ‘moving his hips back and forth’, the Sun reported.

Mr. Stewart, reportedly smiled at the intruders, asked ‘“What is it, hen?” and carried on, said the Sun.

“He thought he was having fun with the cleaners,” Mr. Stewart’s solicitor later told the court, “He doesn’t think it’s funny any more.”

The same solicitor went on to describe his client as a ‘sad little man’ though human rights lawyer John Scott said the only reason he’d been placed on the sex offenders register was because he pleaded guilty to breach of the peace charges so judges were unable to consider privacy issues.

"This case should not prevent people who want to engage in this sort of activity from doing so,” Mr. Scott recommended, “What I would say to a client of mine that wanted to do this kind of thing is as long as it's behind a bolted door, with an inanimate object, then each to their own."

Guardian writer Matt Seaton was similarly sympathetic, arguing ‘aanyone who loves cycling is, to some extent, a bike fetishist.”

“The principle any self-respecting court ought surely to have been upholding here was that what passes between a person and their consenting bicycle behind closed doors is nobody's business but their own,” he suggested.

“Robert Stewart’s misfortune was . . . to live in a place where being in their own bedroom apparently gives people no entitlement to privacy,” he added.

In more solo sex news, artificial intelligence expert David Levy chatted more about his recent predictions that falling in love with a robot will soon be both possible and popular, and suggested large numbers of people will be dating robots for real.

“There are lots of people who find it difficult to find themselves a sex partner. These people are lonely, they're miserable, they may suffer from some sort of psychological deprivation because they're not getting regular satisfactory sex,” he told Canada’s Globe and Mail newspaper.

“(But) it won't only be people who are lacking a sexual partner,” he predicted.

“Some people will do it for curiosity, some for fun. If a wife says to the husband, 'Not tonight, I've got a headache,' she could then say, 'Why don't you make it with the robot.' And, traditionally, women worry about their husbands when they go on business trips, but if he's got his robot with him, he doesn't need to go to a nightclub or a strip joint.”

There's a new reality TV show, produced by Morusa Media, called "Who wants to marry a U.S. citizen?" that aims at creating marriages between U.S. citizens and immigrants who have temporary visas. The show is already generating mix reaction from some who say the show hurts the immigration process. However, others praise the match-making concept.

"We're out to prove love knows no borders," says Adrian Martinez, creator of the show. "Besides, that's what America is all about -- a multi-cultural nation."

Similar to the "Dating Game," one bachelorette (a U.S. citizen seeking a spouse) asks three bachelors (immigrants with temporary visas) various questions. Towards the end of the show, she decides which one she would marry.

According to the show's host, Angelo Gonzales, the show makes it clear to all contestants that it does not guarantee marriage or legal status, but will pay for a wedding party and honeymoon should a marriage result from the show.

"We're just out to play matchmaker," says Gonzales. "There are thousands of U.S. citizens seeking a spouse, and just as many immigrants seeking the same. So we want to make it a win-win situation for all involved."

Although, "Who wants to marry a U.S. citizen?" is being distributed independently, segments will be available on the show's website: http://www.HookACitizen.com

That's right. Those hot chicks were part of a promotional porn shoot they did to promote their video game, then punked out when a few whiny parents got upset. What is this world coming to I ask? A Polish gaming site rehosted the pix but seems to have removed them as well.

Here is twat they have to say for themselves. Personally I cunt here them. I have an ear infucktion I am trying to finger out.

"We regret that these images slipped through the proper EA approval process. They were not appropriate for our brand. The original site has been taken down this morning."

Sounds pretty gay to me. Real men don't apologize for anything ever. They especially don't apologize for liking hot naked chicks.